Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Garbage

I have yet to play a Massively Multiplayer game. MMO, MMORPGs, whatever acronym suits your particular fancy, the fact is that with my long interest in both video games and role-playing games, it seems on the surface that the World of Warcrafts, Final Fantasy XIs and Everquests of the world would be my proverbial cup of tea. Not so.

The release of Dungeons and Dragons Online (DDO) recently has spurred people who previously eschewed MMO games into the realm of online multiplayer role-playing yet I remain steadfastly unimpressed. There must be a reason for this.

At first I simply didn’t see the point. When Everquest came out I had the (perhaps mistaken, perhaps not) impression that the whole game involved wandering around and fighting other PCs for fame and fortune. To me, doing so in a RPG environment was dumb because if I wanted to virtually kill random Internet strangers, there was Counter-Strike around to allow just that. Plus you could do it with guns instead of crossbows and that’s just more satisfying, I don’t care who you are.

Eventually though some truth began to pierce my muddled impressions but it was followed shortly by another sort of truth about Everquest which was that it was immersive and addictive. EQ’s nickname is “Evercrack” for a reason. As someone who’s been gripped by the temporary addiction of several video games in the past, this put a certain level of fear into me. The one saving grace about being addicted to, say, Metal Gear Solid or Resident Evil is that eventually you beat the game and the addiction has run its course. I’m not one to re-play many video games so once I’m done it’s all over, even if my wife can’t pry me off the couch for three weeks leading up to that point there is an end in sight.

But MMO games don’t have that same limitation, because from what I understand there is rarely a point where you “beat” the game. There is always more to do, more to see and—if that fails—more expansions on the way. Expansions aren’t a new phenomenon in video games (I played pretty much all the Half-Life expansions) but typically there isn’t enough game in the expansions to keep one playing until the next one is released. I don’t think that’s exactly the case with MMO games.

Plus, while you’re immersed in this addiction, you’re paying a monthly fee to play. Truthfully this is my biggest barrier to entry and probably the only reason why I haven’t yet broken down and tried World of Warcraft. Video games are expensive as it is and the last thing I need is a feeling of guilt if I don’t play my video games often enough.

Now enter DDO which was highly anticipated and possibly awesome. I’m theoretically equipped now to maybe give it a shot but something still holds me back, and it isn’t entirely the money for subscription gaming. I couldn’t put a handle on it until (of all people) a Slashdot poster brought clarity to the swirl of reluctance floating in my skull.

Arandir (his Slashdot posts lists usermode.org as his website) says:

You are facing two problems. The first is that it’s very hard to translate a paper-and-dice RPG to computer, regardless if it’s a MUD, MMORPG, CRPG, etc. The reasons for this are myriad.

The second problem, however, is that you might be confused as to what “D&D” actually is. It’s a rules set for apaper-and-dice RPG. It has nothing to do with milieu, setting, or environment. A D&D game could be set in Greyhawk, Forgettable Realms, Middle Earth, or your own setting. It could have every monster in the Monster Manual I and II, or it might have none of them. It might have trolls, but not the typical regenerating trolls. It could have twenty different races, or it might have just humans. The point is, D&D is a set of rules, nothing more.

Now that I’ve thought about it a bit more, my unhumble opinion is that wanting a “D&D” MMORPG is silly. There’s so much a MMORPG can offer, that wanting it limited by a set of tabletop rules is dumb. It’s like wanting a word processor to be limited to the concept of a pencil. An MMORPG can use *REAL* statistic probabilities instead of rolling a silly d20. Why use hitpoints when you can now calculate damage based precise hit location, armor covering and layering, weapon aspect, wound types, etc? Even with the grossly simplified and abstracted combat necessary for performance, a computer is still going to give you a combat experience that would otherwise take you pages and pages charts and tables in a tabletop game. And that’s just combat! Imagine would it could do for skills such as lockpicking, trap detection, spell research, weaponcrafting, ale brewing and literacy!

Yes, yes, yes. The thing that attracted me to Neverwinter Nights was that it was based on some stuff that has become sort of associated with D&D but what they really seemed to be trying to do was translate the sense of building an adventure for people to go on and then letting those people experience your idea in a dynamic way. Unfortunately I never had the time to delve enough into the DM aspects of NWN to determine if they actually succeeded, but I can at least appreciate the intent. With DDO I have to agree with Arandir and say that I understand WoW far more than I understand DDO’s concept.

Which probably ties into what I was saying about D&D the pen and paper game which is that as far as generic role-playing rulesets go it isn’t exactly stellar unless you’re using it in a way that it is well suited for, which in this case is a very broad type of combat-oriented fantasy gaming. For those rules to somehow be thought of as superior to the engine that runs WoW for example is misguided to my mind, and in fact inherently flawed as Arandir points out.

I’ll tell you what I really want in an online role-playing game: I want a system that lets people easily play RPGs remotely without having to re-abstract too many of the rules. I’m talking about something simple like a map-drawing program for GMs with tilesets for various different games (perhaps the publishers could even provide official tilesets for a fee) or settings and the ability to pin various descriptions in text to parts of the map. Then each player with the client application gets an avatar (almost like a miniature) that represents their character and an editable character sheet.

Everyone logs in and, using the integrated voice chat and automatic dice-rolling engine, they simply play the game they would if everyone were in the same room: The GM describes the scene, revealing parts of the map if necessary and the players move, roll and describe their actions as the game proceeds. The only difference between this and playing in person is the shared automated tools (all of which are already available to varying degrees of success as separate entities) which only serves to assist with the remote nature of the players (so they all sit at a virtual tabletop instead of a physical one) and make set-up and progression easier on the GM.

My biggest problem with role-playing is finding the time to get into a regular game. Most of my friends live too far away to realistically get together with them during the weekdays and weekends are too much of a crapshoot to get any kind of consistency going with a group of any decent size. Why not solve a lot of the problems with online pen and paper gaming? It would beat paying $20 a month for a game that probably has less imagination and more technical problems anyway.

Why I Don’t Do a Webcomic

Ever wondered why there’s no ironSoap: The Webcomic? The reason is because this is what the result would be. I can’t imagine a single other person in the world (besides me) who would find that sort of thing amusing.

And also, I can’t draw anything the same way twice.

Oh My Back! My Neck and My Back!

Nikki is having surgery on her back tomorrow to try and relieve some of the debilitating pain she’s been in for the past six months or so. The doctors tell her the recovery phase will be long and difficult so if you want to wish her well drop her an email at ncfollett@gmail.com; I’m sure it would brighten her day a little.

The Power’s Out In the Hearts of Men

You’ll have to forgive me if you attempted any 21st century-style correspondence with me over the weekend: My DSL router went the way of the dodo. Therefore we were competely lacking in Internet connection from about noon on Saturday forward.

Anyway, the whole story is sort of long and really not that interesting but the bottom line is that we might be switching to a different ISP this evening but if we don’t it won’t be until Thursday that we get back online.

This means that my access to email is limited to breaks and such at work and my access to this site is limited to… well I really shouldn’t be posting from work so if you forgive this particular exception you might not hear from me until late this week, at which time I’ll be preoccupied taking care of Nik during her recovery from back surgery which is scheduled for Friday.

Bottom line, I might be away for a couple of weeks until this all settles down.

Ear to the Ground

Today is Link Day, because it’s Friday and I am the official Foe of Boredom.

  • So first up I should point out that ironSoap.info will soon be a viable fourth option for accessing this here locale, as will irnsoap.info (note the purposeful mis-spelling which has a purpose I can’t reveal at this time). The reason for the .info extravaganza? 1 and 1 is offering up to five free .info domains. You do need a credit card to register, which they hit (according to a poster on Digg) with a $6.00 charge that is immediately refunded to verify the card. I used one of those Cingular temporary rebate debit cards to register my five.
  • Secondly, and this opens the Web 2.0 portion of our show, I don’t remember if I mentioned it already but I’ve been using Netvibes as my home page in place of My Yahoo! My Yahoo! has some decent features but is generally clunky and slow. I still use it on occasion because my fantasy sports teams are listed there, but the Olympic break in the hockey season seems to have freaked it out a little and now it just has a link to the main fantasy page so even that is no longer so great. Netvibes is very beta and some of the modules have some issues, but it does have some very nice features like a notes area, weather module, configurable search box (which is less of a compelling feature what with Firefox having a built-in Google search bar) and bookmarks module. Now that I bounce between three different computers regularly, having non-system based bookmarks is important. Even better is the way Netvibes integrates with existing Web 2.0 type sites: the Del.icio.us module is rather brilliant, the RSS feeds are very nicely done (and much easier to configure than My Yahoo! RSS feeds), plus it handles Flickr feeds with flair and even has (buggy) integration with Box.net, Writely, calendar files (.ics) and IMAP or POP3 email accounts. More on some of those in a second.
  • Web surfer extraordinaire Ryan points me to a very interesting piece on Writely and Google’s potential killer app that will finally herald the end of Microsoft Word. If you haven’t checked out Writely, it’s a very slick online Word Processor. I use it all the time now. Unfortunately Google just bought it and it seems that they’ve closed registrations for a little bit, but you can send in your email address and they’ll update you when they’re accepting new accounts. I suggest you do that because Writely is free, Word is expensive; Word sucks and Writely rules. My logic is didactic, I assure you.
  • Netvibes built-in modules even turned me on to a new site: Box.net, which offers free online storage space with a Web 2.0 kick including nice Ajax-powered interface and sharing features. The free account is 1GB and if you refer five people you get a free upgrade. Not sure about the business model there, but I’ll enjoy it while it lasts.
  • Also if you still haven’t checked out Flickr, do it now. I’ll wait.
  • Also I’m seriously considering moving my hosting to DreamHost, again from Ryan’s recommendation, as they have good prices and features that make me salivate. Not so good for my keyboard perhaps, but good for websites. If you’re looking for a host, you might check them out.
  • Finally, some Sharks talk. Yes, they won last night against a team they desperately needed to beat. I still think their playoff hopes are too remote though. I liked the addition of Ville Neminen (I especially liked the expulsion of Niko Dimitrakos) and it was good to see Scott Parker back in the lineup, too. Man were there some hits in that game… good grief, I though Neminen’s hit on Ryan Smyth was going to be accompanied by lightning strikes and rain of fire. If Ryan Smyth wasn’t religious before that hit, he is now, I guarantee. Anyway, hopefully things stay positive and if the Sharks miraculously win all six games on this home stand, I’ll be happy to admit I was wrong, but I worry about Nabokov being in questionable health status. Not that I’m not happy to see Schaeffer back, but we have Toskala as the starter now and he’s… nerve-wrenching. I’m not saying he’s no good, it’s just that even the easy saves… let’s just say Toskala never looks like he’s making an easy save.
  • Update: A late addition but it must be included because it involves so many things I love: Radiohead, Grafitti, London and Animation. The song is a cover of RH’s Just and while I’m not a huge fan of tagging nor do I particularly care for wanton distruction of property, I adore clever and creative street murals some of which contains art far more visually appealing that what you might find in a gallery somewhere. In this video grafitti is animated against the buildings of London (I so very much want to visit there) in a very convincing style. Brilliant.

Beginning of the End

Should you have happened by yesterday and noted a bizarre DNS error, rest assured that it was my fault for being a slacker. I forgot to renew my domain registration so ironSoap.org/.com/.net were free for the having for roughly five and a half hours. I did manage to get the situation worked out so you’re stuck with me for at least another year. Neener.

I worked from home yesterday in a sort of unofficial capacity as I’ve been battling against a potential Jury Duty stint in a city which is as far east from my apartment as work is west. Had I gone in yesterday and been told in my 11:00 check in that I needed to be there at noon, it would have been a very long drive.

Instead I set up two laptops at the kitchen table and worked on customer problems and did research via the corporate VPN all day, pausing only to wander through intermittent monsoons to have some lunch with Nik at one of our favorite breakfast/lunch haunts.

Speaking of, it mystifies me that our town is one of those rapid-growth bedroom communities for the Bay Area and while I worked for the City there was a constant sensation of pressure by citizens and administration alike to get as much of the day-to-day necessities which are widely available in the Bay Area transposed over to our humble village. I’m talking about shopping options, services, places to work and restaurants. Especially restaurants.

There are, aside from the bevy of fast food options which I don’t really count because you can find those in Blythe, California (Town Motto: “Kill Us, Please”), perhaps two dozen restaurants in our town. Of those, ten are Mexican or Tex-Mex places. Don’t get me wrong, I like Mexican food just fine, I just wonder how many possible variations there can be on a burrito. Note here that I’m lumping those little Taquerias into the fast food category. If you add them to the sit-down Mexican restaurants, we’re talking about maybe 38% of the City’s real estate consisting of eateries serving some variety of taco/enchilada/tamale as their primary menu item. It’s disturbing.

So if you take the remaining 14 restaurants you have a few franchised staples of varying quality from the poor (Applebee’s, Denny’s, Lyon’s) to the acceptable (IHOP, Chevy’s, Hometown Buffet) to the decent (if unexciting) options (Olive Garden, Mountain Mike’s). Which means that when you get down to it, our fair city of 70,000+ people has to choose between an over-franchised-find-’em-anywhere restraurant, Mexican food, fast food or one of five restaurants that are actually local-only. Of those two are fancy-dining only because the menus are pricey. So pricey that I have yet to try either of them (special occasions around our house are usually spent at one of Nikki’s favorites since “adventurous” dining usually leads to her being “hungry” later). One is possibly the only place I could call a real contender for local favorite, except I’ll never go back to The Great Plate because we got into the Guiness Book of World Records for being the customers that received the World’s Worst Service—and this was after several visits where the service was just bad enough to make us grumble everytime someone wanted to go there. Now we don’t even bring it up. It’s been removed as an option.

The other two? One is a Chinese restaurant (I grant you it is a good one and sadly is probably the best restaurant in town that I’ve visited which is only sad because outside the restaurant-repelling forcefield that surrounds our hometown I’ve had Chinese food that is twice as good) and the other is a sushi bar which I don’t go to because sushi isn’t my favorite thing to eat (my official stance is that it’s “okay”).

That leaves only one place to go if you want a decent, different sit-down meal… and they’re only open from 7:00 am to 2:00 pm, with no dinner at all.

Anyway, that wasn’t what I was talking about.

So I worked from home yesterday and finally they told me I was dismissed so I’m not going to have to worry about dealing with Jury Duty for at least another year. What really struck me was how much I was able to get done from home. I worked from home for about a year a while back after getting laid off around the time people were coming to their senses from the whole dotcom thing so I knew I could do it, but back then I was working on a contract basis where the amount of time I put in was directly proportional to the amount of money I earned. The punishment for slacking or procrastinating or getting distracted was very plain. In this case I’m salaried so if I sit at home and watch TV instead of working, it sort of doesn’t matter—at least in terms of immediate compensation. Eventually I’m sure I’d be in hot water since you can’t hide a complete absence of productivity for long, but I didn’t expect to get almost more done at home than I do at the office.

Curious, that.

The TiVo Trial

So with the new Windows laptop lying around, I figured there were worse things I could do than try to get TiVo2Go working. I mean—hello.

The good news is that getting TV shows from a TiVo to a computer is easy. The bad news, at least in my situation, is that I switched over the wireless network from being handled by the ISP-provided router to the AirPort Express. It was a good move, and worked just shy of flawlessly except that I still have two wired devices: The XBox and the TiVo in the front room. The problem I think is that the wireless devices all see each other just fine but anything on the wired network (which is just a four-port hub in the living room hanging off the router) is invisible. So where I used to be able to transfer shows from one TiVo to another, now they act like they’re on different networks.

The easy (but relatively expensive) solution is to put the TiVo on the wireless connection with a wireless adapter (identical to the one we have in the back room). Barring that, I just have to live with not having both TiVos on the same network, which makes getting shows from the front TiVo into TiVo2Go more or less impossible.

But the whole experiment started because the back TiVo has some shows Nik has been hoarding for quite literally years but is reluctant to get rid of, despite being in need of the space she could free up by dumping them. The solution seemed obvious: Transfer them to the computer with TiVo2Go and burn them to DVD. This is where the cracks start to show.

The problem is that she doesn’t just want a DVD with some random video files on it that are only useful on a computer. She wants a DVD, and rightly so. To me, TiVo’s strategy here is bizarre: You can buy a TiVo box with a built-in DVD burner and burn your saved TV shows to DVD right there on the system. Yet, when you transfer the show to your computer via TiVo2Go, it slaps some silly DRM on there and—this is what I most don’t understand—the TiVo Desktop Software doesn’t come with an option to burn the show to disc. Why not?

Granted, TiVo isn’t exactly the most productive creator of software. Their software (on the TiVo boxes) is pretty remarkable, but their development time is dog-slow (still waiting on that OS X version of TiVo2Go) so I guess trying to compete with Nero or whatever is a little counter-productive. But I’m thinking, “Why not form some sort of strategic partnership with Nero or whomever is already doing DVD authoring/burning software and bundle parts of their suite into the TiVo Desktop so I don’t have to jump through hoops to get what I could have from TiVo themselves if I didn’t use their wonderful special TiVo2Go feature?”

Regardless, it took me a long while before I stumbled across VideoReDo, which isn’t freeware (man how I loathe Windows and it’s pay-for-standard-features model: OS X comes with the ability to burn DVDs at the system level by default and it works like a charm; most new Mac purchases also come with the iDVD and DVD Player software… what’s wrong with Microsoft? I mean, seriously) but at least gives the option to clumsily remove ads and strip off the DRM so I can get a plain MPEG that I could burn to DVD… if I had authoring software.

I tried several versions of Nero, but those didn’t work. I tried a couple of other suites but I got sick of downloading useless piles of trash again and again so eventually I came on the idea to copy the stripped MPEG over to the Mac mini and try using iDVD. It might have worked too, but it took 419 minutes to transfer a 40-minute show from one machine to the other over the network. So I still haven’t tried this experiment, but if it doesn’t work I’m not sure what my other options are: I only have a few days on the VideoReDo software trial and I certainly am not willing to fork over $50 for that and another $50 for some cheesy Windows authoring trash. Grumble.

So Long, Farewell

What I really meant to talk about today was the Sharks. I got a little distracted, it seems. Anyway: I think the Sharks are deluding themselves if they think they have a legitimate shot at the playoffs. I read an article today in which coach Ron Wilson was quoted as saying, “There’s still plenty of time left.” I laughed, out loud.

Plenty of time, huh? That might be true if the Sharks were playing well, but they’re not. They’re playing sorta okay at best. Things have cooled way off from the blistering post-Thornton trade era in December. Here’s some things I’ve noticed (I haven’t seen last night’s game so this is based only on watching other games since the Olympic break and to an extent just before):

  • They don’t play hard. Remember a month ago or whenever when I said the Sharks looked like a possible contender? I knew as I wrote that I was jinxing them, but sure enough ever since they’ve skated like they had concrete in their boots and they’ve hit like the opposing fowards have a contagious rash or something. Once in a while during the stretch they’ve kicked it up temporarily, but they haven’t played a 60 minute game since late January. It shows in the standings.
  • Their special teams are pathetic. They haven’t been too hip all year, despite kind of turning it around during their brief hot streak, but even then I’ve seen them have more 5-on-3 chances than I can remember in the previous three seasons combined. They haven’t scored on a lot of those (as an aside, if anyone can actually find some solid numbers on how many 2-man advantages they’ve had this season compared with previous years and what their production has been when they’re up by two men, I’d love to see them).
  • They’re still relying on a handful of guys to get it done. Remember the last season they played? They had five guys with 20 goals plus Korolyuk who had 19. This year they have two 20-goal scorers and they have two others who might squeak out five more goals before the end of the year and hit the mark.
  • They keep getting stumped by goalies. It seems like they either score 0-1 goals in a game after peppering a goalie (and this isn’t just against great goalies, this happens against people you go “who?” when they’re called) with dozens of shots or they score like six goals. I don’t know what Ekman’s problem is but that guy seems to get the best chances of anyone in the universe and he can’t bury the easy ones. It jumps over his stick, he doesn’t get good wood on it, he hits the post… whatever. It’s like he hates San Jose fans or something.
  • Have these D-men ever actually held a blue line? Ever? Anyone?

So unless some dramatic last-minute push comes together for the Sharks and the Oilers have a meltdown of historic proportions, I don’t see the Sharks making the playoffs. So let’s talk next year.

We know Cheechoo and Nabby will be around. Marleau is here for a while and I’d be shocked if they dealt Thornton so soon. Who’s left?

Of the old guard I think you have to give Ekman at least one more year: The guy can be exciting if nothing else but I’d have him on a short leash. He’s there to score goals and if he’s not pushing 20 by mid-season, he can fetch a decent price on the market. Alyn McCauley, Mark Smith, Scott Hannan and Kyle McLaren ought to hang around if the management knows what’s what. But I’d be looking to deal Scott Thornton right away, maybe even this season (has the trade deadline passed already? I forget). I mean, the guy doesn’t even have twenty points yet. He’s a non-presence on the ice and that’s useless.

The newbies: There are a lot of these younger guys, but then again the Sharks are a young team. The key is to weed out the ones that have potential and let someone else deal with the ones that just aren’t going to make it. I say hang onto Milan Michalek, Grant Stevenson and Steve Bernier. They show a lot of promise, or in the case of Michalek, they’re already doing quite well for young guys. Doug Murray is a great hitter and a pretty effective defenseman.. I haven’t seen anything offensive from him but sometimes you just gotta have those guys that no one gets past. Jorges looks pretty good most of the time, too, although I suspect he (and some of the other younger players) could stand to have a really talented grizzled vet around to sharpen some of the edges on their games that coaches can’t always reach.

My primary trade bait would be Toskala (aka “The Flopper”), Scott Thornton, Ryane Clowe and Niko Dimitrakos. Clowe is just going to be one of those guys who has potential that is never quite realized and Dimitrakos… well, I thought for a while he might be another Marleau who was too streaky to be really great until he figured out the nuances, but now I just think he sucks. Toskala is a decent goalie but with the Sharks giving Nabby the long contract nod, I’d rather see Schaefer get the backup role and take what we could get for Toskala. There are a lot of teams out there with much worse goalie situations than the Sharks have and maybe they can spare an offensive-minded defender or a veteran third line winger.

Sigh. See you next year.

Jury Doody

The cold wash of unpleasant realization: In this particular case it was brought on by noting that the jury duty I had postponed three months ago had come back around again and I had let it completely slip from my mind. Until, of course, the last minute.

Jury duty is something that I have fairly strong feelings about. My opinion is that too many people who would make excellent jurors skip out on it because it is too problematic for them to contribute their civic responsibility. More on that in a second.

My particular experience with jury duty has been that the couple of times I’ve been called, I always end up in one of the later groups so I call and get told to try back tomorrow, I call the next day and get told the same thing, I call the third day and get told “Thanks, we got our jury.” So despite me thinking that I should be contributing by being on a jury, I have never been asked to. I’ve never even had to go into the courthouse. In this case though, my group number is insanely low so the odds of me not going down to the courthouse are roughly 2,975,468,211,391,261,996 to one.

When I worked at the City, jury duty was like a happy vacation. By law or, perhaps (and this is a long shot) by logic, civil employees receive their full pay from their particular agency when they serve jury duty. When I got this notice I was still working at the City. I was actually quite excited about the prospect. I would get to do something new and different while collecting my regular paycheck, plus I’d be acting like a responsible citizen. Win/win/win! Of course just before I was supposed to call in the first time I switched jobs. Nik called the courthouse for me and told them I had a brand new job I couldn’t fail to show for and they granted me a three month extention.

Now I’m conflicted. My current job does no such kind of salary matching for time spent on jury duty. I suppose I could use a few vacation days during the process to make sure I get some money, but if the trial were to last longer than, for example, Wednesday, I’d be pretty much limited to whatever the pay for jurors is ($5 per day or something?). This is a legitimate problem since with Nikki being out of work due to her back injury, we’re mostly doing the one-income thing. And that means that me spending several days or weeks getting 16% of my salary is going to cause a problem.

But that puts me into the position that I’m sure most regular folks find themselves in when it comes to jury duty: In an abstract sense I want to be a part of the justice system. I think it is important to do that so that our juries aren’t populated exclusively by housewives and retired teachers and welfare recipients. I think too often complex judicial issues are handled in a less than ideal way by prosecutors because the common consensus is that juries will get lost and call their own confusion reasonable doubt. I’m not trying to suggest I’m better or more capable than any of the people I listed, but diversity is an important part of an effective jury. When all that lawyers can count on from any potential jury is that 85% of them will cite Oprah as their primary source of world news, trouble abounds.

Yet it is precisely the people like me who just might offer a bit more roundness to a jury but I’m in the same boat as all the other educated and critially thinking (stop that laughing) individiuals: It may be a responsibility but it isn’t one they make particularly easy to uphold. I think I’d be a good juror. I want to serve as a juror. Doing so would be a major headache for me. So what are my options?

I can lock it up and do the whole sacrifice thing, or I can go in there on Monday and tell them the truth: The system is broken because it offers me no choice but to claim exemption due to personal difficulty.

Here’s how I think it should work: First I think the courts should pay a semi-decent wage. I just checked and our local court pays $15/day and $0.34 per mile traveled. That’s like $1.86 per hour. Hello? Minimum wage in the US is $5.15/hour and in California it is $6.75/hour. That means that at the very least we should be giving jurors $41.20 per day and in California they should be getting at least $54.00 per day. I think what should happen is that jurors should get their state’s minimum wage and there should be a mandate that requires companies to pay their employees’ full salary (minus the amount granted by the court) for a reasonable period of time. I don’t know how long the average court case lasts, but I’m guessing two to three weeks minimum should cover most trials. Of course this should only apply to those chosen jury members and alternates. I don’t mind losing a day’s pay to fulfil my civic duty during the jury selection process, I just don’t want to have to sit there and pray I’m not chosen the whole time.

Of course you want to avoid having people act as full-time jurors and limit the possibilities of people actively making money from serving on a jury. So I think what should happen is that as a condition of getting a driver’s license you should have to take a basic law course and pass a simple test. I’m not talking some massive law-school type gig, just a three or four hour seminar and a test no harder than the written DMV test to make sure you at least get the basics of the law and understand what it means to be a juror. Once you do that, you get a juror’s license (and are then eligible for the driver’s license). Instead of the seemingly random summons that come whenever is least convenient, this license mandates that you have to report for jury duty once every year (which can be voluntary or via summons and doesn’t mean you have to actually be selected). But, it also guarantees that if you get onto a jury you are exempt from having to serve for two years after that date. In fact you are prohibited from serving on more than one jury every two years. So if you show up voluntarily and aren’t selected, you won’t be summoned for a year. If you don’t show up, you can count on one summons per year. (Obviously these times can be adjusted based on the number of potential—licensed—jurors and the number of cases.)

The third thing is that people on unemployment, welfare, possessing a felony record or whose driver’s license is suspended or revoked have their jury license taken away. Not having a jury license doesn’t mean you can’t drive, only that you can’t renew your driver’s license until you get the jury license reinstated. Of course being on a jury becomes semi-voluntary here because if you used nothing but public transportation you could get away with never serving. That’s fine. You don’t have to register to vote now, either, and as I understand it that’s how they get you as it stands today.

The whole point of all this is to encourage people to become more involved so we don’t get stupid, racially motivated verdicts or ignorant rulings because the jury pool was so shallow one side or the other was able to effectively manipulate the outcome. If it was less of a potential burden to the individual (regardless of situation) and you could be reasonably sure that any of the potential candidates had at the very least a half an inkling of what the judicial system was all about, I’d say that would be mission accomplished.

Today’s Moment of Stupid Windows Zen

Brought to you by Lister.

There is no default keyboard shortcut to minimize the current window. The closest you can come is ALT+Space and then ALT+N. Also, there is no direct shortcut to maximize a window selected in the taskbar; except the painfully clunky ALT+Space followed by ALT+X.

Oohhhhhmmmm…. that’s paaaaants…. ohhhhmm…

Links, of a Personal Nature

So after the failed HyperAvs experiment it seems that Dr. Mac has decided to start his own blog (all together now: “It’s about time!”) which I suspect is a by-product of his recent procreational activities. It is complete with video feed, RSS and pictures of the wee one. Specifically I’d like to point to an interesting visual quirk in NCAA Football 2006, which he was kind enough to capture on video.

Also, wouldn’t you really get annoyed if your dad brushed you back off the plate? How about if your dad was Roger Clemens?

Drain Bump

Things—I presume them to be thoughts—swirl in my brain like two halves of a solution that won’t quite blend. Think of Nestlé Quik and milk: No matter how vigorously you stir, there will always be lumps of chocolate goo. Whether that is a negative or a positive thing is largely subjective. I still submit that it isn’t meant to be so.

I forgot what I was talking about.

Games a-Plenty

My spare thinking time has been devoted quite a lot to gaming lately. The recent convention has some to do with this; the upcoming KublaCon is another factor. Regardless, I’ve been concocting adventures, scenarios and envisioning minutely detailed painting on tiny figures… not to mention the scouring of gaming websites and magazines which tell tales of victorious and varied board games, video games and their ilk.

One thing which struck me as significant in all this is that there is a lot of overlap among gamer geeks (previously I’ve referred to these people as “hardcore gamers,” though the distinction is purely academic) but the focus levels are so diverse and numerous that even with overlap, there is still a lot of splintering among the community. What I mean is that there are loads of people who play games which reach beyond the comfort level of your “average” individual whether in terms of committment, depth of involvement, complexity or social stigmas. Yet among the teeming throngs of people it can be difficult to find consensus about where the line is drawn.

In some cases it can be a money thing. Investing in a tabletop miniatures game like Warhammer takes a lot of time and effort but above even that it can be really pricey; I estimate that my 40K army is worth (note that I did not pay this amount because I got a lot of good deals and recieved significant portions of it as gifts) around $1,000. Video games, too, can be really expensive: At $50 minimum per game and noting that a single game can hold one’s attention for maybe a month if you’re lucky, we’re talking about $600/year and that’s not counting the cost for a console system itself which would bring video gaming up to around that $1,000 mark (more if you’re a PC gamer). Board games cost upwards of $70 each and if you schedule a game night per week you might get away with a single game per month but I’d say it’s more likely to play one game three times unless it’s really great. Point being, most people don’t have the financial resources to focus too heavily on more than one or two aspects of geek gaming as a whole.

I notice this as a problem because what ends up happening is that you have all these potential customers who would be involved in this aspect or that if they weren’t already being consumed by another aspect. Games Workshop, for example, I’m almost positive has had meetings where top brass discuss how to get video gamers to start spending some of that cash they’re burning at EB Games over at the GW store instead. I’m reasonably sure that the existence of Dawn of War is evidence of these meetings since the game (while quite enjoyable—don’t misunderstand me) seems in many ways like a big advertising campaign for the tabletop game. “Did you like this video game? Try the home version!”

The response, aside from some of these sorts of cross-genre experiments, to continual splintering of the marketplace has seemed to be the industries constantly raising the prices citing rising production costs. Head over to any forum dealing with Games Workshop games to see an example of how this sits with most customers (I presume in recommending this course of action that you’re comfortable with 14-year old guys drawing insights such as “that sucks!” and I feel safe in presuming that because, well, you’re here and that’s the sort of insight I typically draw). The problem with hobbies like this is that when it comes down to it you can either accept what the content providers are doing in whole in order to stay with the activity you enjoy or you can discard it entirely: Middle grounds are hard to come by short of dropping into “casual” status.

With all these elements in place what really suffers is the secondary markets: Add-ons and supporting products which should be providing competition but instead suffer from legal issues and limitations that make them rarely necessary and often difficult to implement properly, especially if the original intellectual property owner finds value in offering something put out by a thrid party. Consider the external hard drive for the PS2: It shouldn’t have been a big deal for someone other than Sony to put out a cheap, reliable hard disk with a decent capacity that plugged into the PS2 and offered nearly unlimited storage space for games. And what a return on investment over the $30-40 memory card from Sony which offers a paltry eight MB space. But until Sony released their official hard drive, none that I know of were put forth to consumers. Why not?

Probably the reason why not is that third party accessory developers know that customers have a limited appetite for non-official add-ons because they pay so much just to stay in the hobby to begin with (remember how easy it is to drop $1,000/year on this stuff) that any extra—no matter how useful—are regarded as a vehicle for gouging the customer.

Here’s the point that I’m getting to: There is a very useful program called Army Builder that helps miniature gamers build their army lists. It isn’t specific to any one game system so it covers some of the overlap/splintering among the gamers. But the product costs $40 for a one-year license after which you may continue to use the product although you are no longer eligible for updates and feature enhancements. I’ve heard several gamers on forums grumbling about having to drop even the $10-15 per year for a license “bump.” I understand Wolf Lair’s desire to keep piracy down and their explanation for how they’re doing this makes a certain amount of sense. Yet from a gamer’s perspective I can see how $40 (that’s the price of an elite unit in 40K, like five metal Terminators) plus a yearly $15 fee (the price of a metal HQ unit in a blister pack) could feel like a gyp.

Which leads me to what I was thinking which was, why couldn’t Army Builder be done with PHP or Ruby on Rails and Ajax? The interface is pretty simple and the heavy lifting is pretty much done behind the scenes as part of what I’d call definition files specific to each game and/or army, so essentially the hard part would be setting up a flexible framework and then getting someone with a thorough understanding of each game’s (or army’s) rules to build the def files. My thought process is that if the tool itself were built such that the deliverable medium was a web browser, the need for licensing goes away and with something as useful as this the overhead for a webserver/host could be covered with some unobtrusive ads while the development costs can be covered with a simple login and one-time fee of much less than half the cost of AB. I can even envision a situation where the ads cover the cost of the entire product or you could add special features in for small fees like the ability to save your army lists on the site (rather than to a local file) for access later. I even like the AB trial idea of allowing unlimited use for armies less than x points (AB uses a 500 point threshold).

Anybody out there interested in a joint programming project? Better yet, anyone know of someone else who beat me to the punch?

Indigo Romeo Oscar November Sierra Oscar Alpha Papa

I’m getting better about talking to customers on the phone.

That doesn’t mean I like telephones any better than I used to, only that out of necessity I’ve learned to value their immediacy because when my choices are to deal with one customer ringing up fifteen SLAs in a day due to back-and-forth emails or picking up the phone and resolving it in twenty minutes, my stress level protracted over a day versus a painful twenty minutes is simply not worth it.

The one problem I have is that often I get into that weird situation where I’m having to give explicit instructions to enter a series of commands or I need to verify some spelling or other. When accuracy is important, the limitations of verbal communication as a medium for written (or typed) interfaces becomes clear. As a matter of fact, I think that communication in general suffers most obviously whenever the intended effect is to transpose from one to another. People talk often about how it’s hard to convey tone or mood in an email; this seems strange when you consider that authors have been conveying tone and mood via written words for centuries but the distinction is that emails are intended to be spoken conversations by proxy which is where the breakdown occurs.

Anyway, I hear a lot of other techs around here doing the whole “F as in Frank, B as in Boy” routine and I decided quickly that the problem there is no two people use the same “as in” examples so potential disconnects between speaker and listener still happen, even with all the extra effort. “No! B as in Boy, not T as in Toy!” et cetera.

So I decided I was going to learn the military alphabet. It goes as such (and I’m doing this from memory as an exercise):

Alpha
Bravo
Charlie
Delta
Echo
Foxtrot
Golf
Hotel
Indigo
Juliet
Kilo
Lima
Mike
November
Oscar
Papa
Quebec
Romeo
Sierra
Tango
Uniform
Victor
Whiskey
X-Ray
Yankee
Zulu

As a means of drilling these into my head I’ve been walking around transposing every sequence of letters I can see into these codes. License plates are good for this: I have a habit already of examining the three-letter sequences in the middle of California licenses for short words or acronyms (like initials of people I know or computer/geek terms… I’ve seen SSH, NES, PNG, DRM and EXE before, each time I feel a secret delight that has no rational source). Now I look at them and repeat mentally, “Sierra, Sierra, Hotel; November, Echo, Sierra; Papa, November, Golf” and so on.

Does that make me weird?

Don’t answer that.

The Horror

A couple of months ago I wandered into the breakroom at work. On the table there sat an innocent-looking sheet of paper. The header said, “Girl Scout Cookies Order Form.” I broke out into a nervous sweat. My addiction to the drug most commonly known by its street name, Samoas has been well chronicled. At the time, though, my health habits had been maintaining a steady, strong pace in the realm of “good” for over a year. One box won’t hurt, a voice in my head whispered, not entirely without menace. I decided the voice was right. I’d been good. I deserved a treat.

Fast forward two months. The new job has me running ragged. I haven’t worked this hard—literally—in over four years. Hey, I worked in government; what do you expect? My days are long and exhausting; I spend my spare time trying to balance sleep and spending some time with my wife. Did I mention I still have outside contract work duties? Needless to say things have had to give and the first to go was my daily gym visit and the second to go was my focus on healthful eating. I suffer as a result, I know this. I feel badly (both in terms of general well-being and guilt-wise), I’m gaining weight and I’m not at my peak in terms of any of the things I need to do. My mood is sketchy; my energy level is limp; my stress in occasionally unmanageable. The time to change is now.

Somehow, the menacing voice in my head knew this would happen. I stare at the box of coconut and caramel bliss on my desk, delivered fresh this morning by a jovial but wicked co-worker to whom I gleefully handed over my lunch money in exchange for his product. “There’s more where these came from,” he offered. I glanced down, shamed, and out of the corner of my eye his face twisted and distorted into a devilishly inhuman grin like those creepy guys from the Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode, “Hush.” When I looked back quickly, it was gone. He was normal. “Enjoy!” he cried and inside I wept.

The voice is back now, harsher and less soothing. It implores me to eat. And eat and eat. The discomfort I’ve felt of late: It is not some silly weakening of resolve and atrophing of muscle tissue. I am not weary from long hours and hectic schedules and pressure from many disparate sources. No, the voice assures me, all I have been missing are these cookies.

I turned the boxes around so the bottoms face me and the tops are pushed against the tan/grey fabric of the cube wall. A printed message on the box bottom reads, “Open Other End.” As I read it, over and over, it comes through in the voice’s now grating rasp. It doesn’t seem like a helpful consumer warning, it reads like a dictum urging me to action. My resolve, already weak, slips like a sweaty finger clinging to edge of a sheer cliff. The voice returns now, given shape and form and it brings its foot down on my clutching grap, cracking fingers beneath a patent leather shoe. I tumble and my final vision is that of the voice’s physical manifestation, wearing a green sash dotted by hand-sewn patches, glaring down with triumphantly burning red eyes.

Tales of the Customer Crazies: Volume One

I don’t typically like to talk about work in detail here. It’s just a fairly dangerous idea considering NDAs, trade secrets, hurt feelings and the fact that, for the most part, my jobs have been pretty boring to hear about.

Of course I didn’t used to work with actual customers. Oh sure I’ve had clients and internal contact points that could, in an abstract way, be considered customers; but I’m dealing with real life customers now—the kind that pay lots of money for a product that they may or may not fully understand but are tasked with making work the way their bosses want it to. And yesterday. It usually has a set up timeframe in the negative. Call it the rapid pace of modern business or call it managerial idiocy, I call it synonymous. Anyway.

The problem with customers is twofold: One is that they’re under a lot of stress when it comes to dealing with the pressures of their job and the fact that our product is extraordinarily complex. Imagine working support for Perl. Not a program written in Perl, but all programs written in Perl. And it’s libraries. Yeah, it’s kinda like that. The other problem with customers is that they pay a load of cash for the product already and had to buy a pricey support contract on top of that. Some people buy the contract “just in case” and most likely consider it a sort of emasculating concession to defeat if they have to call in. That’s how I always feel about support, even the support I pay for. Other people feel like “I paid for it so by jove if I need help—any help—I’m getting my money’s worth!” So the types of people we have calling in are the frustrated, frazzled people who don’t want to be calling or the “regulars” who will call if their shoelaces come untied.

The result is the same either way, and its a special kind of temporary mental defect I call the Customer Crazies. It manifests itself typically with customers who call and fix the problem themselves while they have you on the phone. This happens to me all the time. The conversations go something like this:

Me: Thanks for calling support, this is Paul. How can I be of assistance?
Customer: Uh, yeah. I have a problem with this form.
Me: What kind of problem? Are you seeing an error message?
Customer: Oh. Heh. You know what? I just figured it out. Thanks!
Me: …Anytime.

Another symptom is customers asking questions they know the answers to already. Or asking questions that only they could possibly know the answer to. Or asking questions that God himself only knows. For example:

Me: So I was looking at your log file…
Customer: Oh, do you need me to send you some logs?
Me: Uh, no. I already have them. You sent them to me and I was looking at them…
Customer: Where were those log files saved?
Me: I’m sorry?
Customer: Which directory did I save the log files to?
Me: On your system?
Customer: Yeah.
Me: I have no idea, sir; it’s configurable so you could have put them anywhere. Check your configuration… it will show you where they’re being saved.
Customer: Why don’t I ever just use the defaults? Why am I so stupid?
Me: I’m pretty sure you don’t want me to answer that question, sir.

The Customer Crazies also enable a customer to ask the most broad-reaching, inspecific question in the world and expect a literal answer, hand typed and well formatted. Not only do they feel compelled—in the throes of the Crazies—to ask such a question, but they utterly fail to see why that is inappropriate when dealing with an otherwise impressively well-documented software package. Observe:

Customer: I had a question about installing your product.
Me: Okay, what’s your question?
Customer: How do I install it?
Me: Which portion did you need help with?
Customer: Um… let’s see… okay. All of it?
Me: Uh huh. Okay, well how far did you get before you started having problems?
Customer: Oh, I haven’t started yet.
Me: Wait, what did you want from me again?
Customer: I want to know how to install the product.
Me: That’s a pretty big topic; have you read the Installation Guide?
Customer: No… Can’t you just tell me how to do it?
Me: Sure. Step one… read the Installation Guide.
Customer: Okay. What’s step two?
Me: I will now bite down on my arsenic-filled false molar.

The Customer Crazies are a progressive disease, too. As certain issues become complex or the resolution of a customer’s problem draws nigh, sometimes their frustration can turn to anger or bitterness. This is understandable, they have their agenda and we have our own business to worry about; often these things are not directly compatible. When customers get upset, the Crazies make them behave in ways that would otherwise get them locked up. They say things that I have to belive (if I am to retain any faith in the human race at all) they don’t really consider to be rational, logical statements but are merely a result of their particular affliction. Consider this completely true excerpt:

Me: Thanks for calling support, how can I help you today?
Irate Customer: I have an open ticket already.
Me: Strange, it didn’t come up in my console. Must be a glitch. Can I get the ticket number, please?
Irate Customer: Sure, it’s the one about deleting a record and the data not being automatically removed from all references.
Me: Oh, that one. Actually, ma’am, I’m going to need that ticket number.
Irate Customer: Look, I just got through talking with the person who was working my ticket. They filed it as a bug but he just told me engineering won’t backport the fix to my version because it’s fixed in the latest version.
Me: What version are you using?
Irate Customer: It’s only one version behind.
Me: So why not just upgrade?
Irate Customer: I like the version we’re on.
Me: Then what’s the problem?
Irate Customer: This bug! Haven’t you been listening? It’s a showstopper for us.
Me: So you’re not happy with your version?
Irate Customer: I’m not happy that they won’t fix it!
Me: But it is fixed; in the latest release.
Irate Customer: But I don’t want to upgrade!
Me: I’m not sure I understand what you expect to happen here.
Irate Customer: I want them to fix it in my version. They told me they would support up to two versions back; well I’m only one version back and they aren’t supporting me!
Me: I think we are supporting you, ma’am, but we can’t backport every bugfix into previous versions. At some point the software becomes different enough to be called a new version. We do provide upgrades for free, you know.
Irate Customer: Why do you people keep telling me to upgrade? I don’t want to upgrade! I shouldn’t have to upgrade! Fixes should happen on all versions! Can’t you see that?
Me: Ma’am, have you ever used software before?
Irate Customer: It doesn’t matter. I didn’t call to talk to you, I called to talk to a manager. Get me a manager.
Me: You know, the manager is going to need to know that ticket number…
Irate Customer: They already know about my issue.
Me: I wonder if this plastic fork on my desk is sturdy enough to pierce my carotid artery?

The Way You Pay for Games You Play

My weekend was spent largely devoted to gaming. As I recap this event, I should warn the non-gamers out there that there will be precious little in this post to keep your attention. I’m about to “geek out,” if you will. If you don’t know (or care) what an NPC is, what a twenty-sided dice could be useful for or you can’t fathom why somone would stay up until 4:00 am after having gotten out of bed at that same time 24 hours prior pretending to be a Klingon, move along.

Everyone gone? I figured as much. Still, I am prone to talking to myself and I do so love the dulcet tones of my fingers clacking against a keyboard, so onward and upward.

Friday night Nik and I checked in and met up with Lister and Whimsy for some Pasta Pomadoro as we waited for the lottery-style games to be announced. The registration process at DunDraCon works like this: For each session (there are several per day except on Friday where there is only one) you can put in a request card with up to three registered game codes written on it: Your first, second and third choices. The all-powerful Con masters then organize the games based on priority and some degree of chance to fill up as many of the registered events as possible. Lister and I put down a GURPS 4th Edition Star Trek game (“Revenge is a Dish Best Served Cold”) and our first choice, a Necromunda mini-campaign as second and a boardgame session Lister was interested in third.

Truthfully I would have probably preferred to put the Necromunda game as the first choice and put GURPS as second, but Lister was very excited about the game, I still don’t have a Necromunda gang of my own and DunDraCon is more of a role-playing convention than a miniatures one, so I figured I should at least get one good RPG in while I was there. We got into the GURPS game after all and in the end I’m very glad I did. Aside from The One Guy who is present in all RPGs involving mixed company of strangers who has some sort of serious Issue (in this case it was a propensity at untimely rules-lawyering and some questionable personal space standards—although his skill at rapidly tabulating the results of a large die roll was impressive), the game was quite enjoyable.

I was impressed by GURPS (perhaps more so than Hero, which I played last year, although the two are quite similar) and its ability to handle the Star Trek world with what seemed like effortless grace. Part of it was helped by the fine work of Mike, our GM, who was not only meticulously prepared but (almost frighteningly) knowledgable about Star Trek lore and Klingon trivia. I did find it interesting that he used the IQ attribute check frequently and often allowing successes to reveal information “known” by the character but not the player. He also had a very clever system for managing space travel (long distance travel is a tricky thing to GM through) using a simple but effective grid-based map and while I felt he went to the well too often for ship operation skill check rolls (the result of which was—by virtue of probability—my Communications Officer character managed to botch one of the transmissions rather badly, but after 46 die rolls it was bound to happen eventually) overall the flow of the game was nicely paced and smooth.

He even transitioned from straight role-playing to minis-and-maps based combat movement seamlessly with well-prepared ship schematics (hex-based, of course) and a cantina setting done with a Chessex wipe-off drop cloth. The story may have been a bit ambitious for a (relatively) short eight-hour adventure, but it was effective and engaging anyway. At the end of the game Lister won the GM-supplied prize of a Klingon-branded mug for best Role-Playing (I certainly don’t want to detract from Lister’s play because he was indeed phenomenal, but he was practically born to play that character). A nervous-looking but well-mannered young couple was originally supposed to be awarded the con-supplied prize which was a copy of the 4th Edition GURPS Characters book (a generous $40 value) and I thought they deserved it, but they already owned the book so it went to me instead and I was more than happy to take it. Free stuff is almost always awesome, but free stuff you’d probably buy anyway… well.

After collapsing into bed for a few hours Nik and I dragged ourselves up and joined Whimsy/Lister and Vext for some breakfast at the hotel buffet before hitting the Dealer’s Room. I must have made two dozen circuits around the room during the con but in the end I only came home with some cheap (but nice looking) pre-made terrain and some assorted dice. Nik, on the other hand, went crazy at one of the game booths nabbing Gloom, a dark, clever card game with transparent plastic cards; Lunch Money, another even darker card game; and The Nacho Incident, a silly game with some strangely backwards strategies. I also stopped by the Flea Market room and got a full squad of Termagaunts, already assembled and primed, plus a stack of Tyranid sprues and a blister of a Chaos Space Marine with Lascannon, all for $6.00.

We played a game that Necroid made up called Ninja Dice: It was pretty awesome, and attracted a lot of attention from passer-by. We tried the Nacho Incident, Gloom, Lunch Money, Blink (all good) and Sneeze (meh) while we waited around for more players. Eventually we settled on Wings of War with Lister manning the AA guns, Vext and I playing the Allies and fwaaa and Necroid manning the German zeppelins. Vext and I won in the end, but it was a great time.

At one point Lister and I got into a discussion about the relative merits of Dungeons and Dragons (3.x, specifically) versus other systems. Now here’s the thing from my perspective: d20 is, from my experience, a remarkably average system. I don’t think it works as well as a universal system as people wish it did (Hero is better and now that I’m looking into GURPS it seems even superior to Hero, at least as a truly generic option) and I think a lot of the mechanics—like the absolute alignments and armor systems—are included too much for historical reasons and not adjusted for actual playability. Lister pointed out that when it comes to monsters and magic, it doesn’t get more complete than D&D and I agree with that.

But here’s my problem with D&D: I think that role-playing systems need to be designed to either be as universal as possible (GURPS, Hero, d20) or as specific to a particular setting as possible with the included rules designed specifically to create situations that match the aims of the setting. For example, Shadowrun’s system is in no way universal but it does implement its peculiarities for the reason of balancing the disparate aspects presented in the fictional world where magic and technology co-exist. Similar systems would be Warhammer FRP, Vampire: The Masquerade, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Call of Cthulu, Paranoia, etc. These games don’t need to have universally applicable rules because their setting is specific and if there are no directly applicable rules to incorporate laser cannons into a WFRP campaign, that’s cool because they don’t really belong there.

Where I think D&D fails is that it provides neither a compelling built-in setting to explain its rules quirks nor does it adequately apply its rules across the board to accomodate any and all possible scenarios. I often wondered why so many D&D adventures were standard dungeon-crawls until I realized that the ideal setting for the rules of Dungeons and Dragons is in a dungeon with the dragon/beholder/lich on the bottom level and pit traps that your rogue better catch if you want to make it back to town with your loot and HP intact.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with dungeon crawls, mind you. They can certainly be a hoot and they’re a good way to go if you have a few players together now and you don’t want to spend forever getting everyone up to speed, especially if you don’t know when you can reconvene again. But I think D&D games end up being more board game than RPG because of this: Characters are often played to stereotypes because everyone is more worried about getting off that next fireball or performing the critical feat to kill the kobolds than wondering what their motivation is (and this is just my experience, I don’t mean to suggest that no one role-plays well in D&D). Maybe it has something to do with the alignment system since it’s fairly easy to fall into a static trap of Lawful Good characters being goody-two-shoes with no shades of grey and so on.

It was just an academic exercise until I started thinking about the merchandising tie-ins with Dungeons and Dragons, like the forthcoming D&D Online Multiplayer Online RPG and the Dungeons and Dragons movie. The problem with those is that I look at it and think, “So?” I mean, what is the tie-in with D&D? It’s not even like they’re doing Dragonlance or Forgotten Realms; it’s just run of the mill D&D. So the big twist is that it’s got… half-elves? I don’t play MMORPGs, but I’m guessing there is very little in DDO that hasn’t been available in Everquest since 1998, you know? They’re billing the game as having improved combat systems but when you have what is supposed to be this huge license and your big marketing point is no different than a wholly original game’s might be, I have to wonder what the “hook” for D&D actually is.

Back to the convention, I was a little disappointed in how little they had in the way of actual RPG materials available in the dealer’s room; I couldn’t even find volume 2 of the GURPS 4th edition books in there. Most of what was available was a wash of d20 supplements, one booth for Hero and a few assorted milk crates full of random discounted games. I had to stop at the comic and games store on the way home to find the book. Dumb.

So the whole thing was quite the success I think; even Nik said she had fun which I was a little worried she wouldn’t. I spent some time on Saturday checking out the armies in the WH40K RTT (which Lister and I decided back in November we weren’t going to do at this con) and decided that while I was pretty sure if this was how other people painted I wasn’t ever going to win any best in show awards, I still want to give the tourney thing a try. I’m planning on making a big push for miniatures for May’s KublaCon. Hopefully I’ll have plenty of time to paint up the rest of my Chaos army plus get the Warmaster guys done enough (I’ve actually made some decent progress on them so far) to try out and finish my other Blood Bowl team for the tournament that hopefully Strahd will resume after a DunDraCon absence. At some point I still have a Necromunda gang to buy, assemble and paint plus there’s a stack of Napoleonic Brits to get set up (maybe for next year’s Shield Con which I took a pass on this year) and I still need to get my Shadowrun adventure series (I’ve dropped the scale back from a full campaign) finished so I can run it. Oh, did I mention I have a new idea for a GURPS-based horror adventure? Plus Nik just got me Gang of Four and Mystery of the Abbey for Valentine’s Day so I’m going to be gamer-a-go-go here.

Except all I do is work and then collapse on the couch to watch stupid TV until I fall asleep. I need to get to work on that independently wealthy thing…

Puck Up

I spent most of the weekend at DunDraCon which really deserves its own post but I don’t have the time or motivation to do the full write-up just now, partially due to the fact that I slept like poo last night and can barely focus on my keyboard enough to distinguish the “T” from the “R.”

However, I did manage to catch a few Olympic hockey games between sessions which got me amped for the quarterfinals coming up. So in response I did some surfing to find commentary about the tournament so far and found a few interesting tidbits. The first of them is Bryant Gumbel grumbling about the Winter Olympics and the second, partially related, is The Spin’s article about the impact of the Olympics on the NHL season.

First of all I have to say that I like the Winter Olympics, but then again I guess a big part of that is that I really like hockey. I’ve already expressed my disgust plenty of times with non-sports like Ice Dancing or anything where subjective artisitic merit is the sole deciding factor between contestants (who may very well be talented and athletic individuals, that’s not the point). This isn’t strictly limited to the Winter games though; witness those Summer Games’ “Floor Exercises” that involve ribbons and balls and prepubescent girls doing what I would normally expect to see prepubescent girls do in the school playground (“frollick,” I believe the term is) only here they earn very prestigious medals for doing so. Whatever.

I would grumble about the coverage of the Winter Olympics over their very existence since they seem to focus almost exclusively on those kinds of artistic competitions. In fact what kills me is events like Ski Jumping where there is a quantifiable way to determine the winner (“Hey look, you jumped farther than everyone else… you win!”) only they don’t use it (“‘Cept not, cause you wobbled your left ski so we’re gonna give the medal to Hans over here who went about ten feet shorter, but looked real good doing it.”).

But the whole racial factor is moronic to me because—and I could be wrong here—to my mind being a legitimately non-predjudicial person means that as hard as it may be to accept, there are going to be things that different people excel at, things that different people are interested in and things that different people can’t seem to bring themselves to care about. What I mean is that it would be ignorant to suggest that a white person couldn’t be good at basketball or boxing, the fact remains that generally speaking the best players and the most predominant examples of great participants have been black. Does that mean basketball and boxing are racist sports? I’d say no, but whether there are genetic tendencies or social constructs that result in black athletes being more predisposed to some sports than others doesn’t mean there is anything inherently evil about it, it’s just different people being different.

I think about it like this: Equality in terms of capability or potential or distinguishability is a farce. There simply is no such thing in a world where no two people are exactly alike as literal equality. Yes, this means women can’t do everything a man can do (don’t get me started on the warped logic that lead feminists to tag “…and better” to that already stupid catchphrase) but it also means the inverse is true as well, and on it goes. Equality in terms of opportunity and racial agnosticism is what should be striven for instead.

So the question is, are non-whites being actively excluded from the Winter Olympics? That I honestly can’t tell you but citing something as n-ist for not having some ludicrous notion of equal representation is not the smoke from the fire.

While certianly having less of a potential impact, though, the other issue brought up by today’s venture through the web’s hockey corners is one I actually think is more of a real concern to these Olympics. On one hand I like the idea that the Olympics represent the best of the best competing for international recognition, but the fact of the matter is that there is a discrepancy here for sports that have more of a consistent exposure level such as basketball, hockey and soccer than there is for events where in some cases their only exposure comes every four years during the Olympics. I’m talking about downhill skiing, track and field or swimming events. How often do you watch men’s 400m butterfly? Yeah, me either; except I watched even the qualifying rounds during the summer games two years ago.

In terms of the more popular (and often team-based) sports, the ideal of a true global competition to see which country hails the best and brightest is a decent idea but countries with the most followers of any such sport are going to have an inherent advantage: That’s why Canada is usually a heavy favorite in ice hockey, South American and European countries tend to excel over the United States in football/soccer and the US by all rights ought to own basketball every four years. If we want to see who is the best team in these sports, there is already an arena for that in the respective leagues for these sports where stronger markets attract the brightest stars. Sure the criteria isn’t national but the pool is larger and it becomes organizational (talent scouts, management, coaching) which means even places like Dallas and Phoenix who, without the aid of modern technology could probably never even engage in ice hockey due to climate limitations, can experience these types of sports. And they aren’t limited by something as unfortunate as national sentiment.

I think the problems that have been introduced by having professional players in the Olympics don’t outweigh the potential advantages or excitement of country-based pro tournaments. What I’m saying is that I’d rather see us go back to an amateur-only Olympics. As a matter of fact, what I’d rather see is the Olympics happen more often (once every two years would be a good start) and have there be a reverse salary cap so that players in minor leagues who make less than x dollars per year from playing their sport (I’m assuming here that minor leaguers still get some sort of paycheck) become eligible. In my estimation this would mean that tomorrow’s brightest stars have a chance to compete on an international and very public stage on a pretty regular basis which could serve as a phenomenal scouting event plus it would not put professional players in a position to turn down the Olympics (which is essentially making a judgement call about which championship means more) or put their jobs on the line for nothing more than prestige which, let’s face it, if you’re earning a million dollars per year you just don’t need. Imagine being able to see Alexander Ovechkin play a couple of years ago before his NHL debut in a tournament of note.

That’s what I’m talking about.

It’s the Little Things

I let little things get to me. I know this. It doesn’t help to be self-aware when you’re grumbling over nonsense, making mountains out of molehills and the like because, by definition, you’re so wrapped up in the minutae that you loose track of the big picture.

So here’s my current annoyances, things that shouldn’t bother me, but do. Maybe by putting them out there I can get them off my chest and move on.

  1. I found a nifty homepage-type site: Netvibes. I used to use My Yahoo! as my home page but it annoys me because everything is so centered around Yahoo! that it becomes a pain to do anything if you’re only a halfhearted Yahoo! user/subscriber. Of course the one thing Yahoo! has that I use the most, box scores from sports teams I follow, doesn’t have a direct counterpart on Netvibes. “No sweat,” I thought, “I’ll just go grab an RSS feed for sports scores of a few of my favorite teams.” You know what? I can’t find sports score RSS feeds. What gives? It’s not like this is privileged, hard-to-come by information, and yet I can’t even find a for pay feed that gives me what I want. Listen, the whole point of all this is that I don’t want to have to visit 2,643 sites each day just to see the stuff I want to see. I want to visit one site and choose where I go to get more details based on how much time I have and what looks interesting that day. Totally lame.
  2. What is with women who wear several fluid ounces of perfume? I get caught behind these Sinus Confrontationalists all the time and when someone like me who has a pretty poor sense of smell is overwhelmed and choking to death in the wash of (usually putrid to begin with) Combat Potpourri or whatever, I just wonder how the rest of society doesn’t resort to forming lynch mobs. And I hate to stereotype, but has anyone else noticed that the most likely offenders of this are overweight women wearing garishly colored outfits like lime green pants suits? Newsflash ladies: It’s not magic thinning juice, so lay off.
  3. I read an interesting article today about writing better. Of course then in the comments the author gets into a mild debate with a poster over “alright” versus “all right” and he claims that using “alright” gives the impression that the writer is 10 IQ points stupider than they would appear otherwise. You know what drops a person’s IQ 10 points in my book? When they can’t realize that English changes and no matter how much you wish it weren’t so, “doh” is an acceptable slang term expressing sudden disappointment; “email” no longer needs a hyphen and “alright” is a word meaning “fair, decent, of midling value.” Sorry.
  4. Valentine’s Day. I have a Valentine and I hate this non-holiday. I’m going to invent a holiday: It will be in August and it will be called “Paul Hamilton Day.” On this day you are required to visit my website and pay me money to tell your significant other how you feel about them. Make sense? Exactly.
  5. Software really needs to step up and start doing what I want to happen and not what I specifically tell it to do. The reason for this is that I am an idiot; I firmly believe my technology should compensate for this fact. As an example, I burned a half dozen CDs over the weekend. I’ve been on a music-acquisition kick lately (ever since my shopping spree last week, in fact) so I had a bunch more stuff to burn. I pulled the album lists from my “Recently Added” Smart Playlist in iTunes and burned away. What I didn’t realize is that iTunes burns the list in the exact order you put it in; since the Recently Added list goes in reverse order (discs are ripped from first track to last so the last track is the most recent addition to the Library), so do the albums I pulled from that list which means all my burned CDs have the track order backward. Why would I want that? Clearly iTunes should have realized what I was trying to do and corrected my error so I don’t have to re-burn seven or eight CDs.
  6. I downloaded Gaim 2.0 beta because the previous version had a few quirks I didn’t care for. One thing they didn’t change that I wish they would was the account set up; it’s not a significant thing but I found it incredibly unintuitive to apply a Buddy Icon to my account. I really like the way iChat handles account set-up; it’s very obvious and simple stuff like Buddy Icons is just drag-n-drop. Of course iChat annoys me, too, because it’s AOL/Jabber only. Since I started my new job my Buddy List percentages have changed significantly: I’m now at around 62% AOL users and 28% Yahoo! with the rest being an assorted mix of MSN, Sametime and Jabber. From that perspective having an AOL-only client wouldn’t be the end of the world, but that significant chunk of Yahoo! users is a bit of a problem and, for the record, I loathe running two different chat programs. My other problem with Gaim is that for whatever reason it only lets me log into my Gtalk account about 5% of the time. That may not have anything to do with Gaim, but I can log in with the official Gtalk client and Adium (which I’m pretty sure uses libgaim) didn’t have many problems with it—other than the intermittent connection drops that I’ve always had with Jabber.

Now For Something Entirely Different

I’m taking a break from both convention and surliness while I give a personal shout-out to Dr. and Mrs. Mac, congratulating them on the birth of their new daughter, Grace. Or, as I shall prefer to call her, Mac mini.

I’m so witty, it pains me sometimes.

I’m sure you sympathize.

Three Stories That Show How I am a Retard, a Jerk and I Smell Funny

I’m Retarded

Have you ever had a spastic moment and realize that someone caught you doing it?

Yesterday afternoon I needed some caffiene. I’ve been drinking a lot of tea lately versus coffee, primarily because it tastes better (at least the free stuff we get here at work) but also because I can get by on a cup of decent black tea—caffiene-wise—and I don’t have to resort to 47 packets of Sweet N’ Low and four fluid ounces of creamer at 236 calories per microgram.

So I’m in the break room with my cup and I pull out a package of Earl Grey and retrieve the bag complete with string successfully. As I try to ease the bag into the cup, I realize that it is swinging as it dangles from the string between my fingers, making it somewhat difficult to control the descent. My first try misses wide right, the bag sliding down the side of the cup. Instinctively, I lift the bag back up, upon doing which the bag catches the edge of the cup and spins as it swings even more. I try to be quick like cat and dunk the bag into the empty cup with a fast snap of the wrist, but I only succeed in hitting the counter with the bag.

My third try results in the bag missing the rim completely and swinging comically around the outer edge of the entire rim, as though consciously circling but afraid to go all the way in. At this point I laughed a little to myself, thinking I was experiencing a solitary moment of surreality. I tried again, and missed. I tried one last time and as the bag sailed past the outside edge of the cup I became suddenly and very intensely aware of a presence behind me.

I turned my head and saw a co-worker, standing in the doorway to the break room with one eyebrow arched high on her brow. As soon as it was clear I knew she was there, she burst into laughter. “I was wondering how long you were going to try and get that in there,” she remarked with eyes full of mocking mirth. I sheepishly scooped the entire tea bag into my palm and forcibly crammed it into the cup.

It took an inordinately long time for that particular cup of tea to brew.

I’m a Jerk

Nik and I watched “Grey’s Anatomy,” the episode that aired immediately following the Super Bowl two nights ago. We watched it on delayed TiVo-vision because she hadn’t finished the previous weeks’ episode.

It doesn’t particularly matter for this story, but I feel inclined to clarify that I don’t necessarily like the show; it drops the soap so often as to be hazardous. If you don’t believe me you only need to watch this one episode in which there are so many coincidences and unfortunate circumstances that probability, rationale and disbelief are not just suspended but actively persecuted and martyred in horrific fashion.

Consider this particular set up: A young paramedic responds to a call in which a man has a gaping chest wound. In order to stop the bleeding she thrusts her hand into the wound. Meanwhile a major character goes into labor and waits for her husband to arrive. In his rush to get to the hospital the husband gets into a car crash and has to be rushed to (the same) hospital. Another lead character goes to work performing brain surgery on the injured husband while the other doctors learn that the wound being plugged by the paramedic was caused by an unexploded homemade mortar shell, forcing them to try and evacuate the surgical ward and call the bomb squad.

Of course the doctor performing brain surgery doesn’t want to be the one who effectively killed a colleague’s husband so he stays in spite of the evactuation and so on. The point is that even one of these things happening would be an unlikely occurrence, but all of them at once defies logic at every level.

Anyway, as we’re watching this the tension begins to mount as the paramedic learns about the bomb and is instructed to keep her hand on it to prevent it from potentially exploding were she to remove her hand from the wound, and also to keep the patient with the wound alive (her hand is supposedly keeping him from bleeding out). She starts to freak out as an anaesthesiologist left in the room with her waxes dark about the effects of a detonated bomb on humans. “Pink mist,” he describes the resulting tissue from close range detonation. The girl starts to panic as he selfishly and stealthily hands off his duties to her and slides snake-like out of the room.

Eventually our heroine tries to convince the paramedic not to pull her hand out and run; but she does anyway and after a slow-motion scene of the rest of the doctors ducking for cover we find the main character standing in place of the paramedic, hand in the wound holding the bomb in place. There is a pulsing heartbeat soundtrack and the camera holds steady on the lead as she stares in horrified awe at her hand, wondering what she’s just done. The film speed slows to a crawl and Nikki leans closer to the TV, riveted.

So what do I do? I tap her on the back.

“Boom!” I say.

I should point out that Nikki hates—hates—to be startled. Part of her loathing of loud noises is the little jolt they give a person. I know this. I’ve known this for more than eight years, and yet I cannot help myself. In my defense, I think that was the first time I’ve ever scared her purposefully since I met her. She hit the ceiling and screamed. Then she shot me the fabled Look of Death. She didn’t speak to me for an hour afterward.

Eventually I got her to talk to me and I pointed out that one scare in six years of marriage is a pretty good track record. I howled as I reminded her that if nothing else I had saved it for the perfect moment. It couldn’t have been better, I mean really. Eventually she conceded, “Yeah, you got me good.” She paused. “You’re still a jerk, though.”

She’s right about that.

I Smell Weird

We got our taxes done last night. There was a pause because the place we go to get them done was pretty packed so we dropped off our paperwork so they could get started and went to kill some time. After lunch we decided to stop into the local Barnes and Noble where they have (of course) a Starbucks and some comfy chairs where you can read books and magazines free while you sip your mostly unpleasant, highly overpriced, coffe-like beverages.

As we approached I saw a new menu item: The Toffee Nut Latte. I’m a sucker for new and different. So without any hesitation at all, I ordered one. A small. I refuse to use Starbucksese, doubly so since it’s completely nonsensical: How is a “tall” the smallest they offer? It’s dumb. Anyway, I got my beverage and settled in with Programming Web Services With Perl to enjoy my beverage.

In the end it was kind of nice, nutty and Nik pointed out that it tasted quite a bit like caramel corn. I sipped it until it was done, read for a few more minutes and then we gathered up to head over and finish the taxes.

After we finished (we’re getting a refund this year!) we headed home to watch a bit of TV before I had to retire for the night. I started winding down, so I headed into the bathroom. I washed my hands, I scrubbed my face and brushed my teeth vigoruosly, like always. Then I crawled into bed and drifted off.

I woke up this morning a bit before my alarm went off. Nikki had swiped a lot of the covers, as usual, so I swiped some back and pulled my head under the covers to drown out the obnoxiousness of the television which Nik leaves on to avoid having to listen to our myriad electronic devices emit that odd electrical bleeping that I usually associate with cell phone signals passing through non-cell devices. She says it reminds her of alien invasions and gives her nightmares, so she leaves the TV on to combat it.

But as I relaxed there under the covers, a sudden but pungent stench hit me and I scrambled for the relief of fresh air outside the confines of the blanket mass. At first I assumed it was simply morning breath gone horribly awry. It happens to the best of us. I drifted back off and woke up to the alarm blaring some idiotic morning show drivel. I crawled out of bed and slapped the snooze alarm across the room, stumbling back toward the bed in a cycle of futility. But on the way I caught a whiff of something; it was familiar, but I still couldn’t place it.

Eventually I got all the way up and stumbled into the bathroom. As I stood there waiting for the water to heat up I did some investigation and determined that the source of the smell was definitely me and what was weirder was that the more I thought about it the more I thought that it was very, very reminiscent of the Toffee Nut Latte.

In the shower I scrubbed my armpits, hands, face and neck vigorously, trying to rid the most likely sources of unwanted odors. When I stepped out of the shower I thought I had finally managed to fix the problem. But several minutes later I was eating my cereal when I caught a whiff of it again. Nutty, but not sweet, it was dry and while it couldn’t be classified as an offensive smell (not like I had bad gas or something) it wasn’t exactly the sort of musty stench I wanted wafting around me all day.

Deodorant and a light spritz of body spray should have done it, but later while I sat in the car singing along to the radio and ignoring the bemused stares of the other commuters I smelled it again. I still don’t know where it came from and it seems to emanate from me in semi-regular intervals, like I’m some sort of funky-smelling human Glade Plug-In with a gnarly Heath bar-like fragrance.

Stupid Starbucks.