Daily Archives: May 6, 2007

To: Head Coach, San Jose Sharks

Dear Ron Wilson,

Let me dispense with the niceties. You and your Sharks are really starting to anger me. You’re a good coach, they’re a good team, blah blah blah. The fact is, good on paper or good in the regular season is like Tiger Woods schooling his friends at Putt-Putt. So what? Show me the point. No, the only time skill and talent matter is when a tournament of champions is on the line and at this moment, it is as close to being on the line as it is going to get this year.

My question—my only question—is what are you going to do about it?

Oh I heard that you “called some players out.” Of course, you didn’t name any names, so there was that whole ambiguity thing. I’m sure you probably meant Patrick Marleau, but did he get the message? Since he still doesn’t have a point this series, I’m going to guess not. Maybe you meant Bill Guerin, too, but now he’s hurt so it doesn’t matter.

And I know you keep preaching the gospel of desire, where he who wants it most gets it. But you know what? I’m pretty sure every coach in every playoff series for every team has recited that sermon. This isn’t something new you’ve stumbled on here, Magellan, it’s straight from the Grand Tome of Sports Cliches and Overused Hyperbole. Chapter 8: The Playoff Speeches, page 264.

So maybe enough talk. Listen, you guys got worked on Saturday afternoon. Worked. Pwned, in online gamer parlance. 4-1 was a generous score. It easily could have been 6-1 or 7-1 the way you idiots played after the 10 minute mark in the first period. In a way, I wish it had been worse. Maybe a little embarrassment like that 8-0 slaughter against the lowly Coyotes would have gone a long way to lighting the fire under your guys. Or you.

Did I mention I’m prepared to hold you responsible if you can’t pull this series out of your hat? Let me put it this way: You have to do something and you have to do it Monday. The talk means nothing. The talk does nothing. If you want to call someone out, do it plainly, and get in their face about it. Here, let me get you started.

Kyle McLaren: Get off your rear or go home. You know that cute little ice-sprawl you did that directly paved the way for goal number three? Stop it. Blocking pucks is good, but lying around like you’re waiting for your masseuse to show up is a great way to take yourself out of the play. Jolly good show, that. And while we’re at it, let’s talk about hitting. You know that patented hip check you used to love to throw before everyone in the league figured it out and started giving you a clear shot at the boards instead with just a little stutter-step? Well if that was your only trick then head on back to Boston, chump. We don’t need ya. But here’s a hint: There are lots of opportunities to hit a guy. Take them, or take off.

Patrick Marleau: Wake up, you lazy squint-eyed dweeb. Yes, yes, you can walk all over Nashville. How special. You do know that you have to win four of these series to be a champion, right? I mean, they teach you how to count to four in those Canadian public schools, don’t they? Well then take a long hard look at that ‘C’ on your sweater and get to work. Stop trying to be cute. Stop trying to be Joe Thornton. Shoot. The. Puck. You. Fool.

Christian Ehrhoff: Repeat after me: “I’m a defenseman. Defense is my primary concern. I’m a defenseman. Defense is my primary concern.” We love ya, Chris. But please, please, please will you pay attention to your primary responsibility? Oh, and while you’re at practice on Sunday, let’s see what we can do about holding a blue line, eh?

See, Ron? Get up in people’s faces. Tell them to shape up or ship out. We (the fans) want a Stanley Cup. We don’t want a “solid effort” or any such mediocrity. I’ve already tried to appeal to the team on behalf of the fans. Now I’m appealing to you: Do something to spark this team or I’ll be first in line to call for your head. You think I’m under some delusion that this crop of talented players is your doing? No, I’m pretty sure that’s Doug’s doing which makes you responsible for only one thing: Make these guys play better.

Of course now you only have one more shot, maybe. So here’s the deal: I better see you screaming at those guys. I want to see lines juggled. I want to see less “accentuate the positive” during your in-game interviews and more fire and brimstone. You’d better be hopping mad that you’re down 3-2 in this series because I am. In fact, let’s see Toskala.

Oh yeah, you heard me. Sure, Nabby’s been good since Vesa got hurt. He was phenomenal for a while there. But now you gotta shake things up. Don’t you dare get ousted from these playoffs without letting Vesa have at least one chance. Your sense of loyalty means diddly to me. You know who you ought to be loyal to? Us. The fans. I want to see you pulling out all the stops. If you have to start Nabby, fine, but he’d better be on a shutout-only leash. Anything gets by him, out comes the hook. Do not make this Nabby’s series and playoff run to lose with a phenomenal goalie like Toskala sitting on his rump.

You want the team to step it up? You step it up. Make them care. Make them fight. Make them win. I’m sick of craptacular Bay Area sports teams. You know when the last time we had a world champion was? 1994. That was thirteen years ago. Not good enough. Now’s your chance to redeem us. We aren’t just the fans with the “Team of the Eighties” or the idiots who had to cannibalize ourselves to win a baseball championship in 1989. We can be the fans who cheered the Stanley Cup champions on to glory.

But we can’t do it alone. You have to help us.

And if you won’t, we’ll start looking for someone who will.

Sincerely,
Paul Hamilton
Sharks Fan

The Spree

Other than a few decorative items and some replacement stuff for things that were left behind or tossed due to age and function issues, the spending spree that accompanied our move to the new condo seems to be over. In the end we essentially re-furnished our place keeping only our mattress, a bookcase (which was less than a year old), the entertainment stand (also under a year) and several tables (coffee, kitchen). We also got a new computer monitor, a digital SLR camera (Nikon D70s, yet to arrive, in case you’re curious) and a replacement TiVo that has twice the disk capacity and dual tuners so it can record two different shows at the same time.

Whew.

For those who wonder how that can be, one need only understand that we did all that without really adjusting our budget at all. For once, Uncle Sam was very kind; but also we did some pretty smart shopping. The TiVo, for instance, was only $50. Ikea’s reduced prices allowed us to get as much furniture as we did without breaking the bank, that kind of thing. Put it this way: We did all that and still upped our savings account to 2.5x it’s previous balance.

I understand that there is a certain inherent problem with having that much money come back in tax returns. That essentially means that we’re letting the government earn interest on a huge sum of money all year that frankly we should be earning interest on. The problem is mostly one of overcompensation because we’ve owed for about three years prior—progressively less each year—and I guess I finally fixed that problem but I went too far and ended up shorting us some monthly cash that could go to a better cause during the year. So there’s still some adjustments to make.

But it’s far too late to do anything about last year except take advantage of the quick cash infusion and to be fair, a lot of these purchases were long overdue. I mean, the couch alone (which we also found on sale) should have probably been a 2005 purchase at least, but we lagged on it.

Anyway, when I say the end of the spree is nigh I say that because at this point aside from a small stash of money that came from a deposit return on the old apartment and maybe some cash from a recycling run and change rolling, any further purchases will have to come out of our regular budget. The deposit money is pretty much already marked for some curtains in the living room (the blinds don’t block the light completely which makes TV watching during the day a bit of a challenge) and some stools for the counter. But that is not the extent of the items that remain to be acquired so we’ll have to pick away at it over the next couple of months.

I also finally got us at least moved in and unpacked to the point where we can, by and large, live in the place without every moment involving some sort of house-wide search for a missing or obscurely packed item. I mean, the obstacle course that threatened our very health is no longer in effect so that right there is significant progress. The remaining hurdle is really the garage which has several key items still stored away and needs to be re-arranged in its own right to accommodate my gaming stuff and Nik’s car. That hurdle has its own obstacle though because we still haven’t quite determined how to store both food and dishes in the kitchen simultaneously. There is no pantry and there are fewer cupboards than the apartment had so we’re debating various other options and for now using the dishwasher as our primary storage location. It’s tough to get those last few items out of the garage and into the kitchen when you already know there is no place to put them.

But so far I’m loving the new place. It feels very inviting the way the space is used so that I don’t often feel like I’m in a “condo” or “apartment” style home, but it doesn’t drift into that marble-in-a-tin-can area of having too much void to fill. I like that Nik can sleep peacefully upstairs while I do my thing on the ground level and now that our couch is no longer a physical assault on comfort I can get a bit of mid-day rest while still leaving Nik free to hang out and not have to worry much about waking me.

On a sort of arbitrary side note, I have a weird thing about couches: I love sleeping on them. I have no idea why. When I lived in Texas with Dr. Mac as my roommate for a short time, I had my own room and my own bed but I only slept there maybe 20% of the time. I spent nearly every night (well, early morning; I also worked the grave shift there) sleeping on this gnarly couch that I believe we rescued from the dumpster. Even with the green monstrosity that had to be draped with a folded-over blanket to prevent (I’m not making this up) serious skin abrasions, I spent more than a few nights sleeping there in lieu of my far more comfortable bed. Maybe part of it is that I dislike sleeping in a bed during the day and since I’ve had a lot of times where I don’t work a normal 9-to-5 job, the couch becomes a place that feels more “normal” to sleep while the sun is out. Like I’m just taking a casual Sunday afternoon nap or something.

But back to the purchases, the one I haven’t talked all that much about is the camera. We just placed the order on Friday and I’m quite excited about it. Dr. Mac tried to talk me out of the particular model I went with but after a lot of research which included two separate trips to actual camera stores to physically handle several models I kept going back to a) Nikons, which feel far more solid than the runner-up Canons and b) the D70s, which has a lot of features I liked from the comparable Canons plus had a series of good deals on eBay that made the price more attractive and less overall compromises.

The bad part is that the D70s has actually been replaced by the D80 which makes the D70s harder to find. But the D80 is both more expensive and has some downward-adjusted features (like shutter speed) that were designed to differentiate the “pro-sumer” D80 line from the full on professional D200 line more distinctly. Another option was the D50 which is kind of a stepping stone line into digital SLRs, but those have been replaced by the D40 line which—also for differentiation purposes—have been feature-stripped somewhat from the earlier models and have the unacceptable flaw of only utilizing D40-specific lenses. Also I found the D50 to be a little harder to find in competitive price ranges or with decent kit lenses.

Granted, some manufacturers I dismissed almost out of hand: Sony, for example, who makes our point-and-shoot digital camera, was not a great option because despite the general acceptability of the camera I’ve used a ton, I don’t know that I’d re-purchase it due to some battery life problems, clunky menus and the cursed memory stick format. It’s not that I’ve had a bad experience with Sony cameras, but I felt I deserved to give someone else a chance. Even with that, I must have read a million reviews and talked to several people at length. I’m sure that in some way or another the model I went with will have a few “if only it did…” quirks, but usually stuff I research this thoroughly I end up pretty happy with when the dust settles.

No matter what else, I’m still really excited to get a chance to sit down and take some pictures with it. And to a certain extent I’m just glad to have made some decision. It helps that Nik seems pretty amped about it, too.

Anyhow, I guess things are going back to normal now so no more pretending that I’m Uncle Moneybags when we all know that ain’t true. But I guess it was fun while it lasted.